Learning to live Broken but Whole

   The past weeks/months has taught me more about myself and living under grace then I ever thought possible...the idea of not being perfect until we stand before Christ always depressed me and seemed such a waste of life but this afternoon I can say that it is no longer that way; instead I look at my life and it excites me that I can change. That I no longer need to be "perfect" but that I can be imperfect and live with joy knowing that He is making me perfect. That never made sense till now and I can't even explain why it makes sense. :) I look back over my life and for the first time I can see myself growing...

   I have been seeing in myself tendencies I never knew were there-

Overly Sensitive - Selfish  -Holding Back because of Fear of Failure - Letting past Rejection stop me from Living with Open Hands - Comparison - Feeling Inadequate - and so forth.

Recognizing these was the first step- just being honest about who I am and who I want to be but then turning and giving that all to the One who created me and letting Him change and accepting how He made/makes me. It took the pressure and the failure.

I listened to a message by Santosh Poonen the other week that gave me a fresh perspective again on the change God brings to me...

   When we ask Jesus into our hearts we accept His salvation from our sin...but are we willing to let it be a complete salvation? When He points out an area of lack or imperfection will we let Him "save" us from it or will we say no. Do we consider His salvation as enough or do we decide what He can save us from. For example-I struggle with comparison-will I acknowledge that as a sin and let Him set me free or will I look at it as a fault and carry it with me my whole life. He has come to set me free, I only need to let Him. 

   I can't tell you know many times I have thought of that this past week with situations that have come my way...I had the right to be frustrated/angry/offended (and I was at times) but being "Set Free" is my goal and realizing that helped me take a breath and offer my life as a living sacrifice. Being Set Free doesn't happen overnite-not even with a one time sacrifice-it is an every day/every moment choice to be saved and it might take my whole life till I no longer compare myself with others but each time I choose His saving grace the tendency lessens and eventually it won't even be an option. That to me is amazing!