Replaceable but Valued

   Do you ever feel replaceable? I do. Often. Every Day. even more so when I check social media and realize life moves on without me. :) In the past I have let  those feelings take me to a place of worthlessness and "why try" but the other night when the emotions were a looming, threatening storm I was reminded that only a short time ago I sacrificed my mind; and my thoughts are no longer mine to let run wild, they are the Lord's and I need to take into control those things that are not of God. In desperation I brought my struggle to the Lord and again surrendered and asked for grace and mercy but the struggle was still real so I opened my Bible to 1 John and started reading...

This is the message we heard from Jesus and now declare to you: God is light, and there is no darkness in him at all.

But if we confess our sins to him, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all wickedness.

My dear children, I am writing this to you so that you will not sin. But if anyone does sin, we have an advocate who pleads our case before the Father. He is Jesus Christ, the one who is truly righteous. He himself is the sacrifice that atones for our sins—and not only our sins but the sins of all the world.

Dear friends, I am not writing a new commandment for you; rather it is an old one you have had from the very beginning. This old commandment—to love one another—is the same message you heard before.  Yet it is also new. Jesus lived the truth of this commandment, and you also are living it. For the darkness is disappearing, and the true light is already shining.

this thought struck me as so amazing! Jesus lived it and the same power He had lives in me. True light is already shining! 

Do not love this world nor the things it offers you, for when you love the world, you do not have the love of the Father in you.  For the world offers only a craving for physical pleasure, a craving for everything we see, and pride in our achievements and possessions. These are not from the Father, but are from this world.

Reading this I had to admit to myself that I was craving-craving the pride in achievements-the pride in being known-

recognizing that I repented, but it didn't erase the struggle. The following day my thoughts kept returning to the struggle and the image of myself I saw in the mirror of God and I felt worthless. Replaceable. If I died would I have made a difference in this world? Was I worth anything? My husband could get remarried-replaced. My girls would eventually learn to to love another as "Mommy"-replaced. It sounds morbid I know, but it was just an honest look at what is my worth-where do I go from here- how do I walk in JOY and teach my daughters. Then I felt a quiet voice show me an illustration.

Look at your daughters-they cherish their 'blankies' their 'pacis'-we as parents think they are worthless but because our child places worth on a particular item it becomes valued. How does that relate to us adults? God looked at us and said, "I value her because I love her. Because I love her that makes her worth my dying. It is not that she does anything worthwhile, it isn't that she accomplished a great goal, she hasn't achieved a level of living that caught my attention and now she is rewarded and noticed, no, she is simply loved and that is enough." 

As I pondered this thought I remembered that the simple commandment given by Jesus for us to live by is LOVE GOD. LOVE OTHERS. 

We were not placed here on this earth to do miraculous things. We were not sent to change the world. We were born to worship. To love God. He craves our love. He desires our simple worship. He created us so that His longing for a relationship could be fulfilled. That is all. 

Worship.

it is the greatest achievement you can accomplish. the most beautiful work you can do.

in worship we do miraculous things; in loving God we change the world

I keep getting it backwards. its not about being the best WIFE ever. its not about being the best MOM ever.

its not about being irreplaceable; its about being loved by God and loving Him. 

How to live this out? I don't know but I know I am on a journey to finding my way and I can rest in that and every moment remind myself that I am loved and that is enough.