Choosing to Refuse

"Our whole life on earth is a period of testing and probation, to prepare us for a kingdom in eternity, where everything will be ruled by the law of love. Every situation and circumstance that God takes us thru now is therefore designed by Him to test us in one area--whether we will live by the law of love. And that is why God allows so many trials and difficulties in our lives. God is Almighty and He could have made life on earth such that we never had any trials at all. But God in His great wisdom has ordained trials as a means by which we learn to love."

The past months I have been going thru a book and the other day a phrase caught my attention.

REFUSE LAZINESS

I heartily agreed and moved on to the next page but over the next days it kept coming back to mind. I stepped back and looked at the passing days...I had ideals of journaling personal letters to my daughters in their special books, reading my Bible, prayer time, evenings spent reading or conversations with the fella yet its been  nearly 10 months since Kalana was born and I never even started her journal. And here I sit in an apartment with no cell service, no Wifi and no responsibilities and we are only renters. Why do I not have time for these things? And I had to be honest and admit that I am lazy.

  All my years I strove to do everything to the best of my ability. There was nothing I could not do if it consisted of working with my hands and I was not afraid of dirt under the nails, sweat dripping off my nose and carrying loads waay too heavy for the back. I WOULD NEVER BE LAZY! Every moment was calculated, preplanned and organized so that each day passed in a blur of activities and not for a moment did I rest unless absolutely necessary from sheer exhaustion. By the time I got married I had recognized that I had fallen into a ditch of works that consisted of myself alone and not what God was asking from me...in fact there was very little time allowed for Him in my life. My quiet time consisted of praying out loud while driving so I could make an appt. I keenly felt the lack of peace and rest in my life but I had locked the gears in so hard the wheels of life kept turning and I didn't know where to stop them.

  I got married. My way out. NOW I could do all these things I had pushed to the back burner and had in fact, removed from the stove. :) I had no job, no previous responsibilities...the slate of life was perfectly clean. The years passed and now I found myself still not doing what I counted as important and valuable with my time. I had fallen into the other side of the ditch and taken my freedom from WORKS to the other extreme and had become LAZY.

  I began to see my outlook on life had a lot to do with my actions. As a young person I felt my worth and value was based on my abilities to work so I worked. As a Mom and Wife I often felt overwhelmed, lonely and incapable so I gave in to selfishness.

I chose to work. I chose to sit and pout.

We all have the same amount of time in a day. Circumstances are different, responsibilities are different, capabilities are different but we were all given one thing that is universal--CHOICE.

I had made choices in the past and have choices to make in the future. What guides those choices?

For me in this time in my life I need to refuse myself. Those moments when I don't want to get up and play with the children-I refuse laziness. When I would rather watch a movie so my brain doesn't need to think-I refuse laziness. When Instagram looks more interesting than His Word-I refuse laziness. None of these things are bad choices but I had chose to let them control me and deprive myself and my family. I had become lazy in fighting this battle of love. I wonder at times but Love looks like, how does it act? For me, this is love. Refusing to be lazy.

A thought that is becoming a sincere desire is-

To Love Extravagantly.