Love is Living Given
For many years I have been pleading with God to reveal to me what the true meaning of LOVE is....what does it look like? how does it act? how do you show someone you LOVE them beyond just saying the words, "I LOVE You." By nature I am an "all or nothing" sort of person who loves and cares deeply and loyally but past experiences dressed my heart in an armor so thick that I was suffocating inside and didn't know how to escape.
I couldn't express my love nor could I receive love from others as instances occurred frequently where I was "LOVED" for the moment then replaced by another more "cool" and "talented" then myself. I was afraid to show care to others who I deeply loved because rejections in the past and an apparent indifference to my love made me believe I was worthless, old fashioned and slightly crazy in the head.
But when I became a wife and then a mother, I could no longer hide within myself....I had a child depending on me to LOVE her and equip her to grow in Christ's LOVE and I didn't have a clue what LOVE looked like. Looking back I see God's gracious hand using my lack to draw me close to His side and begin molding me into His image. Over and over He gave me words of life that guided me slowly but surely yet my heart continued to ask "What is LOVE?"
I've studied 1 Corinthians 13--the LOVE chapter. I've pondered the verses in 1 John "We LOVE because He first LOVED us" (4:19) "This is LOVE, not that we LOVED God but that he LOVED us and sent His Son as an atoning sacrifice." (4:10) "Whoever does not LOVE does not know God because God is LOVE" (4:8) "No one has ever seen God but if we LOVE one another, God lives in us and His LOVE is made complete in us." (4:12) and my question still remained---how do I practically LOVE??
With being a foster mom, loving the difficult child doesn't come as natural as loving the child you gave birth to. Looking past the filth, the bad habits, lack of toilet training, bad table manners, etc takes more than "oh, you are soo cuute!!" :) the LOVE runs out--you wrestle with showing "your own" children favoritism or extra affection because the effort of LOVING the "extra" children stretches you to the breaking point. There are moments when you want everything to go back to "original" because it is easier--maybe we made a mistake becoming foster parents--maybe I'm not enough to LOVE these hurting children--maybe I'm doing it all wrong and they can't see that I LOVE them--maybe that person could do a better job--maybe--maybe--------
I was standing by my kitchen sink washing the endless pile of dishes once again when God chose to answer my question---
FOR GOD SO LOVED THE WORLD THAT HE GAVE....
LOVE is given. LOVE is laying down our life for someone else. LOVE is folding that laundry neatly for the 5th time this week. LOVE is leaving my projects and sitting at the table teaching counting while playing the "Pretty Pretty Princess" game. LOVE is getting up at 5am every morning to read my Bible and beg for strength to make it thru another day, and then repeating that prayer continually as the hours pass.
LOVE IS SACRIFICE....
LOVE IS DYING TO MYSELF.....
I had known the answer the whole time but I hadn't understood. God LOVED and GAVE...even before we could accept and receive His LOVE, HE GAVE.
LOVE IS CHOOSING TO GIVE BEYOND MY CAPABILITY.....
I am not enough and never will be, but in LOVE I will give and when my LOVE runs out I will fall on my knees and ask God to fill me with His LOVE again so I can rise and keep LOVING. I can't guarantee that the LOVE I give will be received or cherished, that's not why I gave it....
LOVE IS SELFLESS....
I don't LOVE to receive in return. I sow LOVE like seeds and let God use that LOVE to His glory. LOVING sanctifies me and changes others---ALL FOR GOD'S GLORY!
LOVE IS GIVING GOD GLORY....
LOVE IS WORSHIP....
And walk in the way of LOVE, just as Christ LOVED us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God. Ephesians 5:2
You, my brothers and sisters, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the flesh; rather, serve one another humbly in LOVE. Galatians 5:13
For Christ’s LOVE compels us, because we are convinced that one died for all, and therefore all died. And he died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for him who died for them and was raised again. 2 Corinthians 5:14-15
Not to us, Lord, not to us, but to Your name be the glory because of Your LOVE and faithfulness. Psalm 115:1
